Here Comes the Next Contestant
by Gohan Roxas
Summary: Cloud takes exception to how Tifa gets treated by her customers at 7th Heaven. Post AC. CloTi. Kinda songfic based on Nickelback's "Next Contestant". Rated T for language, themes and violence.


_**Gohan Roxas: **__Who's ready for a CloTi oneshot?_

_**Cloud: **__I am! *cheesy grin*_

_**Tifa: **__Me too! *stares lovingly into Cloud's eyes*_

_**Gohan Roxas: **__*rolls eyes* I am so glad that you guys get a room in this story._

The thoughts came unbidden into Cloud's mind as he watched Tifa working at 7th Heaven.

_I wish she'd take the night off,_

_So I don't have to fight off_

_Every asshole comin' onto her._

Tifa was receiving jeers and winks every time she walked by a table, and many a wolf-whistle followed her to the next table.

One of the guys at the bar walked over to Reno, who'd been roped in to play music for the week.

_They'll go and ask the DJ,_

_Find out just what would she say_

_If they all tried comin' onto her._

When the guy was finished talking to him, Reno looked at him gravely. "Don't even try it, asshole," Cloud heard him say. "Tifa's taken. You see that big blonde guy over there?" He pointed at Cloud. "That's Tifa's boyfriend. So back off."

The guy blanched, a panicked look on his face. Nervously, he sat back down.

Now Tifa was at a table full of very drunk, but very pretty, women. Cloud's eyes narrowed.

_I even fear the ladies_

_They're cool but twice as crazy_

_Just as bad for comin' onto her._

"Hey, beautiful!" one of the women leered drunkenly at Tifa. "You wanna go somewhere nice? Just you and me?" The others at the table giggled.

Tifa smiled patiently and took their glasses. "Sorry, I have a boyfriend."

"Aww…" the women sighed theatrically. Cloud allowed himself a chuckle.

It went on like that for a while. Guys and girls alike were flirting outrageously with Tifa, offering to buy her drinks, and offering her more…intimate knowledge of their anatomy. For her part, Tifa grinned and bore it, trying her hardest to ignore it.

That didn't last long.

As she walked past a table, a man sitting with his arm draped over the back of his chair suddenly groped her.

_Every time she bats an eyelash,_

_Somebody's grabbin' her ass_

_Everyone keeps comin' onto her_

_This time somebody's gettin' hurt._

The man had now wrapped his arm around Tifa and pulled her into his lap, murmuring into her ear.

Cloud stood up from his chair and stormed towards the man, his face like a thundercloud.

The man was laughing. Cloud decided that he'd remedy that.

_Is that your hand on my girlfriend?_

_Is that your hand…?_

"Do you mind?" Cloud said to the man between clenched teeth.

"Nah, I'm good," he replied, his voice slurred. "I'm drunk, I've got a hot babe sittin' on my dick, what could be better?" This got a laugh from his friends.

"That 'hot babe' is my girlfriend!" Cloud roared. "And I'm not gonna say this again. Get. The fuck. Out. Of. Here."

The man's drink-addled face turned hard; he unceremoniously dumped Tifa onto the floor as he stood up. "Make me," he sneered in a low voice.

"You sure about that?" Cloud's own voice was deadly calm.

"Fuck you," the man spat.

Cloud shrugged and punched the guy in the face. He went down hard, smacking his head on the floor of the bar. But Cloud wasn't done yet. He heartlessly stomped heavily on the man's leg. His opponent roared in pain.

"Now," Cloud's voice was still unnervingly calm, "let's try this again. Get out."

The man gibbered in terror as he painfully rose to his feet. He limped towards the door.

_I wish you'd do it again_

_I'll watch you leave here limping_

_There goes the next contestant._

Tifa dusted herself off as she got up. She quickly scanned the bar and made a decision. "Okay, we're closing up early. Everybody out."

The room emptied within seconds.

Tifa wheeled herself around to face Cloud. "What was that all about?"

"I…" he stammered in reply. "I didn't want that guy doing anything to you."

"Why not?"

"Because I love you, okay?" he blurted. Despite the fact that they'd been 'dating' since Sephiroth had been defeated again a few months before, it was the first time he'd said it.

Tifa stared at him for a while before suddenly punching his arm.

"Ow!" he yelped in pain.

Then, just as suddenly, Tifa kissed him.

It was one of those deep, lingering kisses, the kind that usually leads to something else.

Cloud pulled away somewhat reluctantly. "Uh, what about the kids?"

"Well," Tifa said, her voice low and seductive, "Marlene's with Barrett, and she took Denzel with her, so…" She stroked his chest suggestively.

Cloud grinned suddenly and lifted her up, carrying her up the stairs bridal-style. He paused briefly at the door, kissing Tifa very seriously before kicking the door open. It swung shut behind him.

One more thought came into Cloud's mind before it became…preoccupied.

_Here comes the next contestant._

_**Gohan Roxas: **__This is probably the "naughtiest" fanfic I've ever written._

_**Cloud: **__I'm not complaining._

_**Tifa: **__Neither am I *grins*_

_**Gohan Roxas: **__For the love of God, guys! *sighs* See what I have to live with?_


End file.
